Dog Parks

Why do I love dog parks? It's probably not for the reason you think. You are probably thinking that I can't wait to get there to see my dog (that I don't have) run around and frolic with all the other drooling, smelly dogs. As attractive as that sounds, it's not the reason.

My favorite part about dog parks is actually the people...the very creepy, strange people. Not only do they converse with their dogs as if they are humans, they make disgusting baby noises to attract other dogs. Come on, how does that not sound entertaining? "Did Rover make a poo poo?" Also, you know they are secretly whispering to their dogs which dogs they should play with. "Ew, Fido, don't play with that mutt over there, wouldn't your time be spent better with at least a half breed?!?"

I do enjoy the dog aspect of the dog park a little. I enjoy when they sniff each others' butts in a circle. I think it's the most efficient way to do it. Then all dogs (in the circle) can get to know another dog. I also like that it's extremely clique. It's like high school for dogs. The little ones with their sweaters and diamond studded collars all small dog yap at each other, while some the other dogs are loners; roaming the yard, marking anything that smells good.

Now to get a dog to be able to enjoy dog parks again. Until then, I'll just borrow this one...

Everyone wants to know what I like, right?

I like to emotionally vomit on people. And I like when people emotionally vomit on me. You can't just EV (emotionally vomit) on anyone you like. It has to be more in the hit and run fashion. You know, something like, the girl sitting next to you at Starbucks asks you "how are you today?" and you tell her that you hate your life, can't imagine it could get any worse then this, and then continue by sobbing. What? Isn't this how you make new friends? Then, as soon as she thinks you are certifiably insane, and possibly looks a little bored with your antics you make a clean break by getting up and storming off. Sounds normal to me.

Now, having someone EV on you is a different story. The situation I like this in is: someone that you don't know that well tells you how awful their life is. You agree that their life is, in fact, awful and this in turn makes you feel better that you are not in their situation. You leave the conversation feeling uplifted by the fact that you are not this sad sap. *Some caution on this one* When your friends tell you a tragic tale of your life a) this is not considering EV and b) you cannot feel elated by their misfortune because you love them (hopefully, otherwise see above)